I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
