the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
