when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
