Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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