Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
