forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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