Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
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our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
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Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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