im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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