i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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