Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
