At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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