she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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