I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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