There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's blow job season.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
