i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Girls should come with a carfax report
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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