The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
