I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
