tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
