Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
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JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
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Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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