dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
a search helicopter?!
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
