Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
now i know why i became what i already was.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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