I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
