Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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