I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
