used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
