I wish I only lived at night.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
