High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Your cock deserves a montage
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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