Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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