we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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