Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
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My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
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Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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