Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
