You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
