somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
