I want to walk on stilts...naked
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
