just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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