Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
