that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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