the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
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I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
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This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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