After last night, I could never be a politician.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
