you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
