wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
