It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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