i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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