dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
