It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
