Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
