Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
