Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
