im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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