I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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