at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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