My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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