Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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