Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
