Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
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