We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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