jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
