So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
