Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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