so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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