Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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