when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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