i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Randomize
