Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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