I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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