She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
