I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she told me i tasted like america
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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