We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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