So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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