Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
