areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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