OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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