she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
