The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
