wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
