how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
